Thursday, 10 November 2011

Simmo – the JR Ewing of the North West

You’ll never guess who popped onto my BlackBerry the other day – Andrew “Simmo” Simpson. Talk about a blast from the past. He’s a proper good lad, who is always welcome on any night out with me and my merry band.

He’s always guaranteed to liven up a ski trip or a quiet night in the Metropolitan.

And now? Well, strap yourselves in, for he’s offering us a stake in opening up oil wells – it’s got to be a winner. For those of you who don’t know him, Simmo was running Rothschilds in Manchester for a bit. Then he got headhunted to go and flog a few Portakabins and cement mixers for John Brown over at Speedy Hire.

He did such a boss job doing that before you could say Everything Must Go, he was put in charge of the Trafford Centre and a few of Johnny boy Whittaker’s odds and ends. I don’t know if it was Simmo’s idea, but I like that big chandelier they have over the food area – it looks brilliant. You can’t underdo bling in a shopping centre.

As well as being a business guru, he’s also a political masterplanner. Simmo single handedly fought the No campaign against banning cars from Manchester back in 2008. To be fair, there was no chance it was ever going to win a vote of the general public, but Simmo’s debating skills properly rattled the socialists at the council.

I heard he then got tapped up by the Tories to be one of David Cameron’s blue-eyed boys at the last election.

As well as getting Tory tottie like Susie Williams, Esther McVey and Louise Bagshawe (she writes smutty books that Dorises like), “Dave” also wanted strapping lads like the one who thinks he’s Laurence of Arabia, Rory Stewart, now the laird of Penrith. Wisely, in my view, Simmo gave that a swerve.

He flogged Liverpool airport for JW, then like that, whoof, he was gone.

We all thought he’d joined MI5, or something.

Then, out of the blue, a few of the lads, me included, started getting emails. He’s got this nailed on investment opportunity that is pure genius. He’s opened up all these oil wells in Texas that Digger Barnes, JR Ewing and Red Adair gave up on when life was easier. Now that oil is soaring in price, Simmo has been drilling for dear life and wants us to pile in with him.

Have a look for yourselves here at the website. The Falcon has well and truly landed.

Unbelievably, some of the lads are saying they think it’s a bit racy. I’ve even heard the tired old excuse of the wimpy investor – sounds good, but it’s not really for me. Come on, grow a backbone!

It’s one of those deals that just gets my pulse racing. It’s risky, edgy, and it’s in oil and gas. I will be writing a cheque for a cheeky half mill. We simply cannot fail with good old-fashioned non-renewable energy.