Thursday, 21 October 2010

The tarantula eyes have it

There’s a few punters getting their Fairtrade knickers in a twist over this lad AA Gill, he’s a food writer in the Times or something, but he also shot a baboon once. As you do. Not that I read it, I’m a Sunday Sport man myself – always have been, always will be. Ask ex-editor Tony “Tone” Livesey to tell you the one about Bridget the Midget, you’ll be in stitches.

Anyway, this Gill fellah did a review of Rosso. If you’ve not been, it’s at the top of King Street in Manchester and is an Italian restaurant owned by Rio “Rio” Ferdinand and my pal Mahmud Kamani. I reckon it’s brilliant, but he doesn’t.

He’s moaning about “girls strutting and pouting with tarantula eyes and Siamese breasts, showing off hooker frocks”. And? What’s the problem here? I thought this lad was supposed to be a red-blooded bloke, why else would he have a photo with a shooter and a 4x4 – maybe me and the lads should invite him up for a shooting weekend.

There’s form here as well. Him and Jeremy “Jezza” Clarkson (a good lad) did something a few years about how Alderley and Prestbury are full of clueless, snobbish nouveau riche. Utter tosh of course, black people have been allowed in both villages for years and some of the au pairs and tennis coaches come from countries even well-travelled guys like me have never heard of. It’s a cosmopolitan community. And don’t tell me we don’t do fine dining - the McDonalds in Wilmslow has been replaced by Strada.

Yes, we know what class is and we know how to enjoy ourselves. That’s handy as we’re now in the thick of the events season – barely a day goes by without some muppet law firm or gang of beancounters inviting us big hitters to a drinks reception somewhere.

What to accept and what to ignore? I go by a few golden rules – if there’s a decent VIP (Sir Alex, Michael Vaughan, Hitman Hatton etc) get along there and grab a photo for the website. Anything involving sick kids charities is always good as well, the marketing birds are usually top drawer and there’s loads of good guy points available by stumping up a couple of ton for a footy shirt. You’ll make the cash back on eBay, no sweat.

Here’s a tip – avoid the ones that say you’ll be treated to music from a string quartet. All it means is that it’ll be quiet, a cunning plan so that the partners can pick your brains on where the smart money’s going, before boring you rigid about the “multi-disciplinary services” they offer. Taxi, the Fantasy Bar and don’t spare the horses!

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