My invite must have got lost in the post, but I spotted that the FIFA delegation were in Manchester and Liverpool measuring up our great cities for England’s World Cup bid.
It sounds like they played it safe with tours of Old Trafford, a few hotels, the safe tour of the airport (avoiding the Chav Airways departures), Man City’s council house, and some kiddies kicking balls about in Albert Square.
To be honest they all missed the point. I would have nudged the blazer brigade in the direction of good time central for when the circus is in town – the knocking shops, the lappy bars, the places to have a good session and a hotel with a discreet doorman that doesn’t tip off the paparazzi.
And to be fair, Liverpool always does alright on that score – it’s an exhausting night, but a tour of the top half dozen lap dancing bars – Six in the City, we call it – is always a winner. A proper class night out.
Manchester is sadly lacking in that particular part of the leisure sector and is in dire danger of missing out. It probably explains why it doesn’t rate in all these surveys of places people want to do business.
Luckily, me and a few of the lads have come up with a plan that might just rescue Manchester city centre from imminent decline.
For starters, the council needs to mark off a part of the city centre as a “party zone,” – they’ve done it with the Gay Village, why not a Straight Village as well? You’d start with Lloyd Street where Boutique and Silks have made a good start. A few shop windows, a few specialist shops, and on it goes.
It works for every other major European city – so why not here?
But every zone needs a hub, and where better than the old Ithaca site. No-one was more gutted than me when Tony “Fordy” Ford and Arnie Hira had to close the door. It was a venue ahead of its time. The décor was the very best, even though the food was a bit poncey for my palette. I said all along that it is the perfect venue for a lap dancing bar. Lots of nooks and crannies, plenty of private areas, and it’s a multi-level leisure destination that in time could be a magnet for loaded lads the world over.
I’ve even thought of a name: Four Floors of Whores.
And that, dear reader, is why I am so good at what I do.