Wednesday, 11 July 2007

Everything's gone green

This green agenda is really getting my goat. No, not the eco warrior stuff, I’ve said my piece on that, there’s money to be made and I intend to make it. No, the green with envy stuff that starts with committees in parliament grilling the private equity boys and ends with some scrote scraping his keys down the side of Mrs Cashman’s Mercedes SLR outside our favourite new restaurant, London Road in Alderley Edge.
It’s high time the people in this country stopped taxing
entrepreneurs altogether. Instead of taking OUR money from OUR pockets, the government should be thanking us for employing people and for spending so much money in the economy. I reckon I must spend at least £2m a year on ‘stuff’ – that’s £350,000
a year in VAT straight to the government to go and waste on the National Health Service.
I refuse to get involved in a discussion with these nasty, bitter, hateful people who sleep under the blanket of the nanny state – that I provide – then have the temerity to question the means by which I provide it. I’d rather they just said "thank you" and went on their way.
Moving on, who says you can’t make money out of restaurants? Tim Bacon now has the best part of 20 million big ones after
flipping The Living Room. Quality. My mate Paul Heathcote is now chasing the same dream and splashing the dosh on some new scran houses as well. I told him ages ago to ditch all that poncey stuff and pile on the quality northern grub. He’s certainly taken my advice with London Road, which is just what me and the boys want from our nose bag providers: it’s done out in classy beige, glass and chrome with some hanging lamps. The food was ace as well.
The golf day season is upon us. I never miss Captain’s Day at Mere, though it won’t ever be the same again without Bernard Manning (RIP). The big man was never a racist, one year at Mere he picked an Asian lad out of the crowd and ripped into him for being a graphic designer. Why would be do that if he was racist?
No such jesting at the Hurstwood golf bash, just some proper Lancashire backslapping from Stephen "Ashy" Ashworth and the property boys. But it was either incredibly brave, or very stupid,
to put new Bentleys just to the side of the 18th hole at Worsley Park. I am reliably informed that was the reason why Dominic "swing low" Fussell left his clubs in the car this year.
Finally, I tucked my head round the door at Spinningfields for some bash organised by Andy "Spin" Spinoza – you’d think he’d have shook that barrow boy accent off by now – featuring that shrieker out of M-People, the one with the voice like a fork on a plate. Not a bad little do, but you get all sorts of herberts at these things, where you mix business with the trendies. Armani suits and ironic Northern Quarter-wear cheek by jowl is never a good mix. They look scruffy and the air is just too thick with envy. Muppets

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