As far as I’m concerned business is a contact sport.
And I should know because I can play a bit.
I had trials for United and City when I was a kid.
Oldham even offered me a contract, but business is my field of dreams now.
That and the odd game of five-a-side with Rob Cotton and the boys from the National Computer Centre.
Good lad, Cotton, looks like John Terry, but he knows how to run a proper business.
We’re going to take his mob on in a proper game sometime soon.
Watch this space.
And don’t think we’ll do what Andersen’s did a few years ago and load the team with ringers from Latvia.
As for golf – I’ve got all the gear and no idea.
Got a membership at Mere, as you do.
Not that I ever play there.
They put on a cracking do though.
If you want a proper sportsman’s night out, go to the boxing.
I’ve just been with a few of the boys to see Ricky Hatton in Vegas.
Good trip, and not a muppet among them, and let’s face it, you can get a few on even the best trips. Marathon running is my game.
Like business, even if you can run, you can’t hide.
I’ve just done the Marrakech marathon – THE hardest marathon in the world: deserts, mountains, beggars and whole families on mopeds getting in your way. A bit like business, if you see what I mean.
The London marathon’s for clowns dressed as divers.
New York is for Sex and the City tourist weekend wannabees.
I sponsored one lad in that, Pete Clarke from Isis, he took six hours! I can get a deal shifted in that time.
Now I’m even thinking of sprinkling some of my strategic stardust on the world of football.
After losing a couple of buttons off my shirt on Mark Guterman’s punt at Wrexham and making a few bob out of Droylsden, I’ve got the taste for it. I’m putting a few chaps together to buy Lancaster City Football Club.
There’s a playing field next to the club’s ground – The Giant Axe – which we reckon we could get a few houses on.
Stick a fan on the board to appease the Billy Bunters, get Steve “Jacko” Jackson to send Preston North End and his lapdancing cheerleaders up for a friendly and we’re laughing.
Then I’m getting a board of directors together that will blow you away.
Kevin Roberts, chief executive of Saatchi’s to handle all our marketing and change the brand.
Deep down I think their problem has been the nickname, The Dolly Blues.
The Axe Men is better.
The Axe Men Cometh will be on all the posters.
It will strike fear into the hearts of the enemy.
I’ll make it work because deep down I’m a winner to my core.
European football within ten years, I reckon.
Maybe 15.Either way, you read it here first